I get home take a nap wake up with both puppeh’s sleeping nicely next to me <shockingly not playing or fighting just snoozing away> and decide ok I need to eat.  So I get up and disengage myself from the puppies and go foraging for noms.  I find that I have one giant nectarine left which I cut up to munch and decided that will do it.

I go back up stairs put the dogs away and lie down for bed.  Watching tv I catch a commercial or show and all of a sudden im down and moody.  What the hell it wasnt even that emotional of a commercial.

I start to think about things and realize that I’ve been bouncing between happy and just down right depressed over the last few months…Fuck am I bipolar now?

<Shrug> anyway went to post this last night and my tablet died so I just went to sleep.  Hoping things cheer up soon.

Later ya’ll.

Least I have my tablet, 

I’m over it all its too damn hot and I’m going to bed.  Night night.

I miss the feel of a man next to me, I miss the warmth of someone else masculine and just a bit rough at my side.  Nothing feminine just masculine. 

I miss sleeping next to it.  Having that securty,  that safety if it makes sense.  I might be a big guy, might be called daddy but there are times that I myself need a bit of that old security blanket. 

Oh well, its late and I need to at least attempt to sleep.

I found a nifty app for my phone to post to my blog so let’s see what happens.

So much has happened over the course of the last month or so.

The loss of Jmoe a dear friend.

The acquisition of a hot boyfriend.

The realization that yeah, Im old, but you know what?  I can learn and I can overcome.

The last few weeks have been rough with the loss of Jmoe.  Thankfully Jacob was there to comfort and be by my side, as well as many many good friends.  Its odd that just as your coming to terms with the situation we have his memorial.  Beautiful as it was and I was doing good, his friends did a video montage and they used a recording of a voice mail Jmoe left.  That did it.  His voice was the send off to a severe flood.

I guess deep down in my heart there was plausible deniability.  I didn’t see it, it didn’t happen, its just a mistake, it wasn’t him.  Then I get there, and it was him, I cant deny it, I cant make it wish away.  In the back of my head I hear him tell me its okay, he’s okay and he’ll be fine.  I still struggle with it and think I will for some time.  I just miss my friend.

Then there’s Jacob.  Poor kid barely dating me two weeks and all hell breaks loose.  Im the strong one dammit Im not to be seen in tears.  He’s quite the trooper and I appreciate it more than he can possibly know.

So Jacob is the B/F for those of you that aren’t really following along.  He’s an adorable kid and my feelings for him continue to grow.  We’ll have our patch’s here and there but what fun is life without a few dips in the road?

I have my tickets and my trip is set to go home and see my Mom.  Its been a year and its long over due.  Its funny though as excited as I am, how much I feel bad about leaving Meghan and Paige and Jacob.  Thank god I have a good cell plan!

Paiges Halloween costume was incredible if you know me on flickr just look it up there or on Facebook.

Hugz all around and thank you all for your support.

Well FUCK me if it isnt.

Guess it was good to upgrade!

BTW the link is here.

And for those of you that want to see the picture I took a screen shot so here ya go:

Wow. I can see now how much I was missing...NADA