Last Night….

 Last Night….  Late night ramblings.  No Responses »
Aug 312011
 

So why is it when your home alone and your actually in somewhat of a good mood, that things can go wonky?

I get home take a nap wake up with both puppeh’s sleeping nicely next to me <shockingly not playing or fighting just snoozing away> and decide ok I need to eat.  So I get up and disengage myself from the puppies and go foraging for noms.  I find that I have one giant nectarine left which I cut up to munch and decided that will do it.

I go back up stairs put the dogs away and lie down for bed.  Watching tv I catch a commercial or show and all of a sudden im down and moody.  What the hell it wasnt even that emotional of a commercial.

I start to think about things and realize that I’ve been bouncing between happy and just down right depressed over the last few months…Fuck am I bipolar now?

<Shrug> anyway went to post this last night and my tablet died so I just went to sleep.  Hoping things cheer up soon.

Later ya’ll.

 

Twitt
 Posted by Daddy Bear at 9:44 AM

Damn computers

 Late night ramblings.  No Responses »
Aug 242011
 

So my roomies mini laptop has decided to go nutzo, my PC is die’n and yeah what a night, 

Least I have my tablet, 

I’m over it all its too damn hot and I’m going to bed.  Night night.

Twitt
 Posted by Daddy Bear at 12:17 AM

Sometimes…..

 Late night ramblings.  No Responses »
Aug 222011
 

Sometimes I get lonely.  Its kind of a bitch cause its not a normal lonely, but a nagging lonely that’s not that easily explained or fixed.  In all honesty I have what I need, Meghan provides companionship and love as does her daughter.  My puppeh keeps me company and gives unconditional love.  I suppose I am missing guy love,  I know sounds corny so try not to laugh while I explain, 

I miss the feel of a man next to me, I miss the warmth of someone else masculine and just a bit rough at my side.  Nothing feminine just masculine. 

I miss sleeping next to it.  Having that securty,  that safety if it makes sense.  I might be a big guy, might be called daddy but there are times that I myself need a bit of that old security blanket. 

Oh well, its late and I need to at least attempt to sleep.

Twitt
 Posted by Daddy Bear at 11:23 PM

Overheard at home…

 Fun, Late night ramblings.  No Responses »
Sep 212010
 

“If I was wearing a diaper I wouldn’t have to get up.”

Twitt
 Posted by Daddy Bear at 8:53 PM

37…

 daily, Late night ramblings., Old, random thoughts  No Responses »
Jul 222010
 

Well here it is another year has come and gone, and I’ve managed to age once again.

BLEH

37…

12 years past gay death in the community… LOL

I bark about getting older quite a bit but in all honesty it doesn’t really make that much of a difference to me anymore.

I find it rather interesting though listening to those around me in their early 20′s bitch about being so old.  All I can do anymore is chuckle to myself, shake my head, and keep the comments to a minimum.

20′s never bothered me.  30 didnt bother me.  31 bothered me, mainly cause that back then was the cut off.  All the magazines and surveys where 15 -17, 18-20, 21-25, 26-30, and 31 and up.  Its the and up thats annoying.

So I guess I add another year to my and up status.  Wheee…

Anyone wanna come blow out my candle?

Twitt
 Posted by Daddy Bear at 12:18 AM

Wanting….

 daily, Gay, Hate, Late night ramblings.  2 Responses »
Jul 192010
 

Funny…

  • You fight to keep that smile on your face cause its whats expected.
  • You fight to keep your tone light and up cause anything less is bitchy.
  • You fight to keep your appearance positive for anything less just wont do.

And yet after all that you still find that deep inside something feels like its missing.

I know what I’m missing.  Im lonely.  Yeah I said it.  I can admit it.  Im man enough to say it.

I miss cuddling, snuggling, and lying in bed without a fucking care in the world.  For that short time its like we are above every other petty instance in life and I can just breath in the scent of you.  I can  for once be a bit weak and allow myself to be held.  I can allow myself to be cuddled.  I can allow myself to drift off feeling secure in your arms once again, knowing its only the briefest of moments but for those moments your mine and I don’t have to worry about anything for now.

<Sigh>

Those moments are always too brief.  Always too short, and often almost always too much in my own mind than anything else.

Yes Im a big guy, yes Im a protector, and cross me and fag or not I’ll kick your ass, but that doesnt mean I always want to be that.

Dammit is it so wrong to just want a little affection?

Twitt
 Posted by Daddy Bear at 9:00 PM

Late Night Musings…

 Late night ramblings.  No Responses »
Apr 132010
 

Ok so why is it that only late at night the bug to write hits? Maybe its because I am alone in bed, something I hate and it forces me to think. Think about the men that I tend to fall in love with, the men that I find so appealing yet so hard to hold on to.

I dont know why I fall in love with men out of my reach but I do. There’s something about the masculine man that holds my heart in a vice. Yet every man I display my heart to seems to look at it….notice it…maybe pet it, indulge it for just a moment..a moment of sheer ecstasy, an orgiastic split second where the walls drop and I let go. I give to the feeling completely only to snap to and see him gone, a small trail of what my love could have been leading away from me.

You wonder why Im bitter? Why should anyone be out of anyone elses’ reach? Why should anyone have to feel that they are not worthy of what they might find “loveable”. Screw social tiers and houses. So what if Im a bear and your a straight man, it doesn’t make my love any less real.

FK this Im going to bed, looks like its me and my pillow yet again.

Twitt
 Posted by Daddy Bear at 12:47 AM
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